Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity.

"Bean" and I were at the Botanical Gardens the other day, enjoying the Children's Garden area: a space just for kids to dig, dump, play in water, smell/touch flowers and herbs, etc. "Bean" was happily playing in the sandbox when a family shows up: mom, dad, grandma, grandpa and their 4 kids, approximately ages 4, 8, 10 and 14. 

From the moment they walked into the children's garden to the moment they left, these parents yelled at, and scolded, their children. Every single sentence they said to their kids included the words don't, stop or no. The 4 year old was (nicely and quietly) playing in sandbox and when mom realized, it was "Don't do that, you're getting sandy!!" Isn't that what a sandbox is for; playing & getting sandy? 

Two of the kids were pumping water and the response was "Stop that!" Never mind the fact that's exactly what the water pumps are there for... pumping water! Then they were digging in dirt (because it's a children's GARDEN) and the parents said "Stop doing that". The 8 year old asks "Why?" and is told "Because I said so, now stop!" 

Because I said so? Really?! C'mon now! 

Because I said so is the one phrase I will never use with my child. Ever. Just because they are children doesn't mean we, as adults, should disrespect them and their feelings. Imagine if I used that phrase with another adult... How belittling that would be!! 

Mind you, the Botanical Garden Children's Garden is an INTERACTIVE children's garden but these kids were not allowed to participate in any aspect of the garden without getting yelled at. 

Would you take your child to the Zoo and tell him or her that they are not allowed to look at the animals?!

After 5 minutes of constantly scolding their children for playing, the mom & dad said "Okay, let's go!" The 10-year replied, "But, we just got here!" and the 14-year old said "Can we stay a little longer, please?" Mom and dad replied with a big fat "No! You've played enough."

No reason. No validation for their response. Just plain NO. 

You've played enough? Is it even possible for a child to play too much? Play is what children do, play is how they learn! 

And, is it really that wrong to clue our kids in by expressing our feelings and reasons to them? Would it have been that "devastating" if those parents would have responded with a "Not today, maybe we can come back another day but today we have (fill in the blank) and we don't want to be late for that." - or - "I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you would get dirty playing here, and you need to keep your clothes clean for our dinner plans tonight."

And, if this mom and dad did not have a valid reason from pulling their children away from playing, then SHAME ON THEM!! 

Children need the freedom and time to play. Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity.

-Kay Redfield Jamison

These kids were not being "bad", they were not being rowdy or unruly, they were all behaving appropriately for their ages - they were simply... PLAYING!!  

I have seen this over and over again in my experiences as program director, camp director and working with kids in all kinds of situations and environments; these responses are typical of:

 Parents who fear Play!! 

and

Parents who want their children to act perfectly because it makes them [the parents] look good!! 

I've seen the response from parents of a single child and equally from parents with multiple children.

Play: the activity that should be the very foundation of childhood! Our society in general wants our kids to grow up too fast. We push our children; we worry about them reaching educational benchmarks and achieving high test scores. 

We must become more concerned with their souls than their brains! 

Play, and it's purpose, is being devalued in our society and that is hurting our children. Kids run, splash, squeal, shriek, get messy... that's what being a kid is! And we, as parents, should embrace that wonder & sense of adventure not scold them for it.

What happened to cultivating an environment of play for our children? 

Why are some parents afraid of this, whether they have 1 child or 8 children? 

Children learn through play. Play is hard to maintain as we grow older and most adults grow out of play. But, play is important as it fosters belonging, cooperation, flexibility, persistence, creativity, imagination, and a spirit of adventure! 

Play gives children a chance to practice what they are learning. 

-Fred Rogers

What are we teaching our children if we scold them for playing? Are there consequences to that? Yes, I truly believe so! I believe a negative response to play can, and will, stunt a child's creativity. So long as it is not a danger to themselves or others, it is absolutely absurd and ridiculous to scold any child for doing what they do best and how they learn best -playing!

Children learn as they play. Most importantly, in play children learn how to learn.

-O. Fred Donaldson

So, moms and dads - let's all relax a little! Get messy. Have an adventure with your kids, and do not hurry them into adulthood... it will be here soon enough. 

"I don't want to be an old woman sitting at the park watching other people live and love and laugh and think about all the simple pleasures I missed out on with my children. Why didn't I sit in the backyard and blow bubbles? Why didn't we lie in the grass and name the shapes of the clouds above us? Why didn't we read a fairy tale and then find a toad and kiss him just to see? Why didn't we talk longer, play harder, and spend more time dreaming together? And did we even once chase a rainbow's end?" 

-Lysa TerKeurst 

Intentionally letting go of mommy (and daddy) stress and choosing to enjoy our child's play enables us to capture these moments. Strive to be a family that lives a better, richer life.... to know your child at a deeper level than the hustle and bustle of a stressed-out life allows. To know our children on a deeper soul level is to come to discover the joy of parenting! 

The real joy of parenting will be watching this child God has entrusted into my care grow into a healthy, capable adult. 

-Lysa TerKeurst 

Jeremiah 29:11 promises that.